Warning!
The following blog post contains a racy and comical review meant for the enjoyment of the reader. My wish is not to offend anyone with the language and/or content of this post, only to provide a hilarious summary the book. If you are a fan of (or perhaps even the author of) this series, then I ask that you please remember that the views and opinions expressed in this blog post are merely my own and are not meant to attack you or your beliefs/tastes in any way.
I repeat: This post is meant for entertainment purposes only.
As you may or may not know, Facebook uses remarketing/retargeting by placing specific posts and ads in your newsfeed based off of things you've searched/mentioned on the internet. (If you didn't know, here's an informative little place to start: https://www.quora.com/How-come-Facebook-is-able-to-show-me-ads-for-something-I-was-searching-on-Google ). Now, I don't go around reading a lot of erotica, and I'm pretty sure the only book that I've ever read with a dragon in it was The Hobbit (in my pre-social media years), and yet the book collection Loved By The Dragon popped up in my newsfeed yesterday morning. Normally I would have skipped right over it without a second glance, but I was feeling facetious so I sent a screenshot to my friend, and fellow book enthusiast, instead.
And the following conversation ensued...
So, naturally, after making this discovery it was decided by both Luna and myself that I should write a comical review on the subject.
And here it is...
As stated in the text messages above, the book starts out with a disgruntled Chloe, whose last name I've already forgotten, hiking out in the wilderness and complaining to herself about her shitty love life. Her on-again off-again ex is a jerk, and the guy before him is a jerk, and life just sucks for poor Chloe. So when she injures her ankle and has to sleep in a cave for the night, it only makes sense that a handsome shirtless man would appear and whisk her off her feet (literally).
The two share about a 10 minute conversation (which is just painful to read because this man talks like a friggin weirdo), and then he does some dragon voodoo shit to fix her ankle. Then, completely forgetting everything she's ever learned about "stranger danger", Chloe hunkers down in a sleeping bag with the man that she has learned is named Saul, (This is also basically the only thing she knows about him at this point). Saul decides to whip out the classic "I have been told that it is considered appropriate in these circumstances to shed clothing and share body heat" and of course Chloe obliges. Obviously once they're naked they can't keep their hands, or other body parts, to themselves, and things start to really heat up. (dragon pun). She mentions that she didn't bring any condoms with her (and honestly if she had brought some along on a lonely nature hike I'd be a little worried), and Saul doesn't seem to understand the need for one, so obviously she's going to use her brain and stop things before they get started, right?
Of course not.
So here we are, barely into Chapter 2, and the main character has already decided to have unprotected sex with a man she just met in the middle of nowhere. Is it really any wonder why her love life has been crap up to this point? She complains that "all the men [she meets] are assholes," but maybe if she bothered to get to know one of them for a day before sleeping with them, she'd realize what they were like and move on with her life. But no, she sleeps with Saul and in the heat of the moment he lays some kind of claim to her, (and BITES HER SHOULDER), and of course she agrees because, isn't that usually what people do when they're enjoying the act? When she wakes up later she finds Saul in his dragon form and, acting as a normal, reasonable human being for the first time, she freaks out. Saul is hurt because she is scared of him even though she said she was his the night before, during what turned out to be some weird dragon mating-betrothal ritual. So here we have two people (er, well...) who laid it all on the line before even bothering to get to know the other for more than a few hours. Saul flies away, hurt, and Chloe goes home to resume her normal life.
The next chapter was my favorite because we actually get to learn more about Chloe. We get a glimpse at her job, her ex boyfriends, and her best friend Marcy. It's all very normal and slightly interesting, so I thought finally, this is where the story really starts to kick off. But no, she can't stop thinking about her one night stand with dragon dude, so she and Marcy take part in some harmless internet stalking. Chloe soon finds out that Saul is a bilionaire and the CEO of Drakestone Studios, and decides to seek him out and beg for his forgiveness. Yes, you read right, she's worried not by the fact that he's a dragon, but whether or not he'll forgive her for running away scared... because he's a dragon!
Well of course he forgives her and they immediately go at it again. Her bite mark of dragon betrothal has faded over the time they've been separated so he gives her a new one, this time making sure she's fully aware of what she's agreeing to. Why does he chose her, of all of the human AND dragon women he's been with in his 452 years of life, you ask? Because she was the only one who could ever get him off, like, completely.
How romantic.
The rest of the book is just the two of them going at it in different positions and places, coupled with incredibly sexy lines like "I wish to mate with you again" from our man Saul.
(
)
) |
| TMI: Saul totally does that tongue thing, and he tells her she is "delicious", which is not something I ever want to hear from a dragon, under any circumstances! |
I also feel like I should mention that Saul is in his human form
every time they do the deed, (Because 1. Ew and 2. Im pretty sure he'd
freaking kill her if he wasn't). So, if bestiality is your thing, then sorry, you'll have to look elsewhere.
Maybe some nice shark porn?
 |
No comments:
Post a Comment